Horatio considers all love he receives ( if he even perceives it as love, and not simple care and concern of good people ) as strictly conditional on his results and actions. Weakness is ill favored and frankly, unacceptable. Failures and flaws are to be kept between tongue and cheek, and god help you if you lay your heart out, because a heart holds no value. Wit does, and while he is mathematically competent, scholarly and strategically brilliant, he is wholly aware that socially, he is quite inept.

As a result of this, the idea of revealing such things as insecurities, worries, and ( heaven forbid ) fears is not only galling, it’s an act of sacrifice to do so, as he believes himself to be trading what little care and companionship he has found in exchange for soundness of mind. More often than not, he chooses to cleave to what he has, and sort things through on his own.

Horatio’s oft quiet countenance in times of emotional duress – which can, at times, turn waspish and brusque as a result of his inner turmoils – are a direct result of him feeling at once inept in a situation and desperate to do the right thing; reaching for help reveals that he lacks the ability to achieve what needs to be done and all of his self value is situated around what he has managed to accomplish on his own.

To Horatio, the respect of Pellew is as important to him as his own pride – but by his perception ( a remnant of his biological father’s upbringing for the majority of these ideologies ) any and all favor he has gleaned from Pellew has come at the price of success – which means, then, that to fail or to question, to fear or falter, is to consequently lose what has been gained. His trust in Pellew is absolute – but his trust in his worth to Pellew is conditional to his service and his ability to uphold his duty.

These same thoughts go to his men ( Matthews and Styles, whose loyalty he bought with kindness and wit, he believes he would lose if his wits should fail – so naturally, he cannot turn to them ) his comrades ( Bush followed him out of the same stringent adherence to duty he himself possesses; the man is his senior, and he does not forget this. He must, therefore, always maintain a dutiful stance and be assured in his duties, lest Bush come to doubt in him ) and even his friends ( Archie knows how weak he is capable of being; it is Horatio’s perception that because Archie knew the depth of his weakness, that the sight of him in Spain returned fits to a man who had single-handedly escaped prison on five separate occasions without incident. To Archie he has the most to prove, because he has the most to overcome in their history – so naturally, he cannot lay his insecurities on Archie’s shoulders. )

The pressure Horatio places upon himself to always stand tall, to always and continuously prove himself is devastating – if it were a physical force, a visible wall, it would be something at once monstrous and horrific to behold. As much as duty drives him, Horatio is also a deeply sensitive man, with an enormous heart that loves all who come into contact with it – and swiftly. It does not take much to touch that unguarded space within him and become another stone in his wall, another reason to march, another reason to lock his jaws and bow his head until whatever storm he faces inside of himself can pass him by. Because for as unconditionally as Horatio loves, it has been well trained from him to think that he can, in turn, be worthy of something so grand as a care that comes without condition.

Which is why, in the event Horatio were to open up, he would be doing so under extreme duress, because not only has something troubled him so deeply he would dare to speak, he is also wholly convinced that every word will cost him the person to whom he has chosen to turn. The loss of someone he holds so dear would only be acceptable to Horatio if he knew that any other recourse would cost the lives of more men. Horatio will sacrifice anything to protect those he is bound to – including himself, and what little he has managed to hold for himself, conditions or no.