After his time in the plantation, Thomas comes to realize rather swiftly that things he thought he missed – things he truly believed would bring him comfort – proved instead to be stifling and difficult to maintain and manage. This built within him a well of frustration and bitterness to which he had no true outlet that felt quite right or suitable to the situation.
He felt strangled by the expectation to be unchanged when in truth, he was nothing like what he used to be. And every time he felt himself grow frustrated with simple tasks that had once been methodical, natural parts of daily living, he was forcibly reminded of the fact there was no turning back the clock.
He hated remembering as much as he hated being frustrated and bitter. It was a compounded anger, cyclical and damaging as a hurricane inside of him. Although in various verses he does learn to find means and manners of managing and healing ( or compartmentalizing ) it is an early point of disaster that lingers and has occasional moments of returning to the fore, leading to enormous blowouts if only because of how long it has been since he felt himself spinning apart again.
Ocean Archive 