{ Tragic Honesty }

Have you ever ruined something good? Like a friendship, a good day, a possession, something sacred?

“But of course,” Elijah did not hesitate in this confession, for the simple fact, “Haven’t we all?” He could not think of a single man or woman whom he had ever spoken to, who did not hold in their heart the weight of guilt and regret for some crime left unpunished against their soul. Perhaps, in the worst cases, those sorrows were exacerbated by the fact that they had been punished, but not in any way that could alleviate the shackles set upon the spirit by the act – or, conversely, the punishment had been too cruel to fit the crime. 

He was no more innocent than any other soul – and since taking commission with the Navy his regrets had certainly collected over the passage of time. To claim otherwise indicated either dishonesty with one’s self – or worse, a callousness which Elijah had no desire to ever reach. Now, as to specifics on this front – well, there were many to choose from, were there not?

He had ruined his relationship with his father in seeking this life – first by pushing the man to concede in affording him the right to chase it, and then by facing against his father’s ambitions and finding them – ugly. He resisted, and in so doing cleaved a strain between them that grew evermore into a chasm – and there had once been a time, when he had believed nothing in this world could ever come between him and his loyalty and love for the man.

He had severed ties with his own brothers in an effort to escape their shadows and live a life that would never plague them. He would not reach for their help, and in turn he would not be colored by their actions anymore than they by his. 

He had broken his mother’s heart – and if ever there was something sacred to be held, it was surely the gentle spirit of a woman who meant well. 

Smiling softly, he chose a crueller crime than any of the above to confess, for of them all it was the only one that could be found on paper. “I imagine I have ruined the lives of many good and noble men over the course of my career – and ended yet more permanently. The wives and children, the mothers, fathers, sisters and brothers I have robbed are doubtless numerous – and while I will not decry my country, I do at times wonder what it was all for.”