pls give friendly advice — how do i tell my brother that it’s THREE IN THE FUCKING MORNING and he has WORK IN FOUR HOURS and NOW IS NOT THE TIME for him to go on a CLEANING BINGE? thank u

image

Smack him with a flip-flop and point to the bedroom region very assertively and state, “This is not a responsible time for cleaning. Go to bed, you have work in the morning and this mess will not get bigger if it has to wait a few more hours.” 

pls give friendly advice — my upstairs neighbours are either doin the do or they recently purchased a particularly verbose parrot

image

Uhm….ew. While generally speaking I just utilize headphones in cases like this, sometimes if it gets too annoying I have been known to ah. Participate. 

Grab a broom, or stand on a chair with something that can make a good loud bang, and whollop your roof three or four times, then scold them. 

If you know their number, use caller block and call them. Either hang up and do this until they give up or, be real assertive and inform them that the whole neighborhood is not interested in listening to their sex tape, please turn it down. Bonus: If in an apartment you can also do this by simply going downstairs and buzzing them til they answer.

Shame is not exclusive to the 1700s.

[ mcfreakin cRAWLS UP CHARLES’ SIDE, WHOLESALE CLAMBERS HIM LIKE A TREE, PLACES A DELICATE SMOOCH ON THE SIDE OF HIS HEAD, & A FLOWER IN HIS HAIR ]

image

A slight grunt is the only indication of exertion on Charles’ end as he is scrambled upon, though his arm does shift to form a supporting crook for the other to sit upon once they’d finished their arduous journey up his side. It was as much to support them as it was to make the sudden weight on his left a tad more manageable. 

“You’re in an interesting mood,” He observed, not appearing too bothered by the sudden adornments he had acquired in the form of a human barnacle and the soft petals of a flower in his hair. “What’s the occasion then?”