“Where the fuck have you even seen a baby?”
Tag: theypissedonme
[theypissedonme @ vane] “Oh floor, you’re always there for me. So supportive. Not like walls and staircases, always getting in my way.”
“What – happened?” Jack wasn’t usually the one sprawled out on the ground like a dead thing, and he definitely was not the one who tended to get himself fucked beyond all reckoning just so that he could sleep. So whatever it was that had knocked Jack to a point this low – couldn’t be good. For Jack or the Ranger and her crew, as frankly Vane needed his quartermaster to be fucking functional.
Crouching, he laid a hand on a narrow, pointy shoulder and half rolled Jack to get a look at him. To see if he was sauced off his ass or injured, or if he really was just having. Some arcane Jack moment understood only by himself. “You good?”
[theypissedonme] Charles receives one (1) sharp elbow to the ribs for fuck knows what reason, but Jack would most certainly insist he deserved it. [ WEAPONIZED ELBOWS ]
“For fuck sakes Jack,” The sudden jab into his side was even less welcome while his ribs were still recovering from earlier impacts than it would have been under normal circumstances, “It’s not my fault these fucks don’t know when to give up.”
This should have been a normal prize – the fact these men were fighting like mad dogs told him they had something aboard that ship their country would sooner see them hang than accept their surrender of. They were fighting like men who knew they were dead if they didn’t at any rate – which meant of course there was no choice but to sweep through and subdue them.
Whatever they were protecting was worth a fortune to someone, after all.
“This’ll be over soon and you can express your complaints after we’ve secured the ship – understand?”
[theypissedonme @ Vane] “Those words would never pass my lips.” [ listen if someone’s going to lie to vane about something jack did or said they should at LEAST have the decency to get jack’s vocabulary and syntax right, which they Absolutely did not ]
{ The Borgias }
“You sure? Could have sworn I heard you say ain’t nothin’ just yesterday.” Charles couldn’t even imagine those words in Jack’s voice, but it was worth it just to take the piss out of him a little.
[theypissedonme @ vane] ❝ That victory made him famous, Charles. It made him immortal! ❞ [ JACK YOU’RE SPEAKING TO THE MOST GROUNDED MAN ON EARTH C E A S E ]
{ The Tudors }
“Immortal.” There were times when Jack said the absolute dumbest shit for a man so fucking intelligent. “He was covered in blood – most of it his own. Never knew an immortal could bleed so much.” Leaning forward, Charles pointed his cheroot at Jack’s nose, his intent clear, “Show me a man who can get in a fight like that – and come out without a scratch – and I’ll believe he’s immortal. Until then,” He slammed the fiery end into the table, crushing the threat as surely as he did the intent to deify any man on this fucking island, “He’s just fucking lucky.” Charles held his gaze steady, daring the other man to argue. “You got that right, Jack?”
[theypissedonme @ Abigail, time to Snark Dryly About Her Customers ] “I am more convinced than ever that he is the agent of Satan.”
{ The Tudors }
“Mister Jack!” Abigail laughed before she could quite catch herself, finding his mild mannered certainty on the subject utterly entertaining, “That’s hardly a kind thing to say,” She turned, so that nobody would see her lips in the main hall as she assured, “I’m certain Satan can hire better than that!”
[theypissedonme @ Thomas, That Verse] “I was sure we were both going to be killed. Congratulations on not dying.”
{ If this was a meme I lost it. }
“Pure luck, I’m sure of it,” Thomas agreed breezily, even as he collapsed rather gracefully alongside the quartermaster, hand still glued to the hilt of his cutlass – whether from sheer adrenaline or a questionable tincture of dirt, sweat and blood, he could not say.
Despite the state of his blade, and the unfortunate mess of the majority of his shirt and upper breeches ( not to mention whatever his boots had squelched through earlier ) Thomas felt revived, and even laughed a little as he let the sun catch against his skin where he rested. “That’ll be one for your stories, eh Jack?”
[theypissedonme, for Vane] 💥 Try to calm my muse during an overwhelming emotional moment
His stance remained unmoved, the grip on his cutlass tight and at the ready as he stared Jack down. “Don’t make me repeat myself.” He had told the man to move – and if he had to goddamn maneuver the man himself, then so be it. Charles would be damned a thousand times over before he stood by and let this continue on as it was. “I’m putting an end to this Jack – now either you can step aside, or you can grab a pistol and join me. Either way, shut it. The time for talk is over.”
[theypissedonme, @ iguana man] 👗 Fix/Straighten my muse’s clothes
He felt the tugging on his shirt and knew without even looking who it was. Which was good for Jack, all things told. Eventually, he turned around to ask what the hell was the matter now, but it seemed Jack was on a damned mission – hands continued to brush and flit over him, tugging things into place until at last, he appeared to pass muster.
Crossing his arms, Charles raised both his brows and waited, silently, for some form of explanation. Jack, for his part, stared back as though absolutely nothing was out of the ordinary. And so they stood, for a solid six minutes at the least, until finally Bonny’s exasperated tone cut between them. “Let’s go already!”
Spurred into motion, Charles shook his head and made as though to follow after her as she stormed on ahead – but not before reaching out and hooking his arm around Jack’s neck, hauling him down to mess up his ridiculous hair as ‘thanks’ for all the fussing. Grinning, he released the man and sidestepped a sharp elbow before heading after Bonny, lest she leave them both behind.
[theypissedonme] “that was a great battle, they say.” [ @ vane. jack never shuts up about history. never. ]
{ Children of Hurin Starters }
“Victors do have the habit of bragging about their accomplishments,” Charles’ agreement was rough and dismissive – he could think of few ‘great battles’ in recent years that were anything more than wholesale slaughter in the name of fucking profits.
Of course, in order to live with that shit, the winners had to turn it into something worth talking about so that their ‘civilized’ existences could maintain itself and not collapse inward under the weight of hypocrisy it barely functioned beneath as it was.
Glancing over at Jack, he relented slightly – if only because he knew there’d be no real discouraging him, and it was better to have him go off in high spirits than have him spend the next fuck knew how long in an effort to convince Vane that his story was absolutely relevant somehow.
“So what did they do? I’m assuming their victory applies to our plan somehow?”
Ocean Archive 